Better than sex????

So I had a ridiculous experience the other night. Instead of going for a run with a friend, we went to her yoga class instead. Something you should know about me, I'm not nearly as flexible as I used to be (ask the average runner to bend over and touch there toes...I can, but only because I'm vertically challenged). So the thought of yoga typically makes me cringe. But I figured, why not. So what typically happens when I go is that the teacher makes it her mission to bend me into whatever position everyone else is doing because I look flexible. This typically results in me feeling like hell the next day and vowing never to go back. Wednesday seemed like it was going to go the same way. I twisted and turned and cracked and struggled my way into positions that only porn stars should be in (lo siento God, es verdad). So after the sweat filled and pain induced 90 minutes, something strange happened. Instead of feeling shitty. I felt great. But not just normal good. Or relaxed good. No, no. I felt ORGASMIC good. You know the feeling (and if you don't, then, um, maybe you should reconsider your partner...). That moment of clarity. The bright light. That last gasp. The tingle. Well that's what I felt, and am STILL feeling this morning, 2 days later. I don't know what it was that did it. It wasn't the most visually stunning class. Everyone was nice, but nice points don't count. So I have no clue what caused it, but I have been on Cloud 9 ever since. So that made me think, should I give up sex? if there is something out there that can make me feel even better than sex itself, can i replace it? No more dating or relationships or the awkward moments? It would be the perfect tonic, right??? Yeah, but then I thought about Applebottom Jeans, and boots with the fur, etc... And there are some things that yoga clearly cannot replace!!! And being the greedy, bougie bastard that I am, I'll keep going for both. Hey, my soul was cleansed for a day. That's good enough for now.

What's in a name?

Ok, so it's finally time to address the confusion amongst some of y'all...what exactly is up with the name switch. Ok, so everyone from DC and most of my friends from back home in Baltimore know me as Zai. I'd been Zai for about 24 years. My parents had to settle on not only my first name (Zaire), my middle name (E...yeah, right, I'll never tell), my last name (they couldn't decide on one, so I have both, thus DuRant-Young), but my nickname as well (Zai). Growing up, I just stuck with it because:

1. No one seemed to be able to spell Zaire until it went back to being called the Congo
2. No one could read it off of a sheet of paper (I got called Isiah, Zachary, Zacheus, Zane, Shane, and countless other names)
3. No one could pronounce it...it's pronounced "Zeye-ear"...not "Z-air"...not "Zeye-ree"...never "Z-ear"
4. And I got tired of being asked if that's where I was from...really, that may be the most 'tarded question I've ever heard, and I STILL get asked it today
   

So for a long time, I resented my name. It was hard for people to remember, hard for them to spell and it got mocked as endlessly. As I got older though, right when I was getting ready to graduate from grad school, i decided that I wanted to go by it full time. I had come to start liking my name and appreciate it more an more. I didn't feel like I was "Zai" anymore, but that I was "Zaire". So my plan was to start going by Zaire when I started my first job. Well, my boss got an email from me one day when I was still interning there in grad school that I signed "Zai" out of habit, and thus, I lived with it for three more years. I tried getting "Zaire" to catch on, but friend's were so used to calling me Zai, that it didn't happen. They introduced me as Zai to thers, and by the time I tried to change it, it was too late.

"Zai" started to get really old as I entered my mid-twenties. Going out and saying your name was Zai often had them calling me "Zoe", "Shy", and the number one pick "Zach". So not only was my first name being butchered, but now my nickname. So I made a decision. I decided that when I moved to Philly, that "Zai" wasn't coming along. "Zai" stopped existing when I left DC. I came to love my full name. To appreciate it in a way I couldn't when I was younger. And moving to a new city where I only knew a couple of people, I decided that this would be the perfect place to do it. Starting fresh, I finally became Zaire. "Zai" ceased to exist on July 29, 2007.

Now, for everyone who has known me as Zai, it's all good. That's how we met. That's how we've gotten to know each other. So that's what I expect you to call me. It just makes sense. But if it takes me a little bit longer to respond. Or you hear me introduce myself as Zaire, don't roll your eyes, or giggle at it or discount it. It's who I am. It took me 28 years to get there. But I finally did. It's not just a name. It's who I am. And I'm glad to finally be here.

More Etiquette

A recently returning from the District of Columbia, I felt that it was important to share another rule of etiquette with you. Zaire's Rule of Etiquette #18: "Handling of the goods (i.e. the junk, the stuff, the naked chocolate, etc...) by a stranger is a a very complicated matter. Yes, everyone likes the goods to be handled from time to time, some more frequently than others. But when you are a stranger meeting someone for the first time and you decide to liberate your little hand and handle the goods not once, but twice, then we may have beef. No matter how attractive AND pocketsized you may be, you must be very careful when deciding to check out the merchandise, especially if in public. It is also a good idea to make sure that said person who is handled is at least a little intoxicated so that they don't feel so violated by the handler. So at least offer them another drink or shot before checking out the merchandise. "

Etiquette

These my friends are Nutrigrain bars. I'm sure we've all had one at come point. Possibly for a snack, a way to hold ourselves over until lunch or maybe something to munch on while on the train. But most likely we've had one in the morning as a pick me up, a way to start the day. Let's go over a little Mr. DuRant-Young etiquette here.

Etiquette rule #32: "Upon showing a guest the door in the morning after a lovely evening of Scrabble, the Wii, or even slagging , it is expected that you offer said guest a snack. Something portable, non-messy, and full of vitamins and/or nutrients as a way to start the day. A granola bar is good, a bagel is nice, but a Nutrigrain bar is even better. If in a rush, and said guest is perhaps staying behind to get a little more sleep, then it is also expected that you give a hug, a brief smooch, or a high five upon exiting, or a mixture of all three. But never dap, and never chuck the deuce. That is just rude."