More to come

Many updates to come including Obama-rama, Phillies Win, Chicago Marathon, Mint Jumpoffs, Zaire turns 29, etc....

But in the meantime, ask Jenn stated Law #45: Someone at work must suck!!!

It's not a rule, it IS the law!!!!

Starting Pitcher

So, starting pitchers get paid the most...and they are the most coveted members of the baseball team...but you need to be able to go more than 7 innings....to be effective...real life is much the same way...if you can't go more than a solid 7 and throw the occasional complete game, then you get a no decision or even worse, a loss

Etiquette Continued

Etiquette Rule No. 68: Never leaving a friend assed out. Now I'll admit, I did once leave a friend assed out. We were at a bar, a lady may have been involved, and we may have rolled. But, and I repeat, but, I made sure that friend had a way home. The three of us walked out of the bar together (get your minds out of the gutter, not like that), the lady and I hopped in one cab, and my buddy hopped in another. (NOTE: It was later noted by my friend that he didn't have enough cash for a cab and that he actually didn't get in one, but that we had already pulled off by then...my bad John...oops...but I wasn't trying to leave you assed out).

When out and a situation requires that you roll (i.e., you left the stove on, you aren't feeling well, you have a jump off coming by, you're trying to get a piece, etc...), it's all good. But you always make sure your peoples are ok.

Just like in the new Shaft, People Hernandez gets his name from just that..because he takes care of his peoples. You always make sure they have money for a cab, all their belongings, their keys, that they're not retardly drunk, etc...But you never, ever, ever leave them with no viable means of getting home or taking care of themselves, lest they end up in a ditch...Slip them a 2o for a cab, lend them your bus pass, over to drop them off on your way back to your spot, find them a jump off before you roll, etc...But never, ever, ever, leave them assed out!!!!

Grey Poupon

Now I don't mind people borrowing things from me....it's really not a big deal....I'm a sharer, so it's normally very cool....I just like folks to ask...that's all....so I don't know who it was at work who decided that they needed to take, not borrow or rent or hold, but TAKE my Grey Poupon....now perhaps they thought it was their mustard, although my name was written all over the jar....and then they finally decided to put the half empty container back in a month later!!!!! I mean, you took it in May, and you didn't bring it back until June?????? While I'm on vacation????? We have beef!!! So when I find you, we will have words...never take a black man's Grey Poupon!!!!!

Black Friends

Ok, I get it...EVERYONE has a black friend....I know, I've heard it already....But please, I don't need to hear about it....As a matter of fact, when you have to proceed talking about your friend by labeling their race, religion, political party, etc., take a second to stop, think and wonder if you sound like a jackie!!!

The Ultimate Insult

I will say this once, and only once...It is never ok to tell someone that they look like Forest Whitaker and think it's a compliment. I don't care that he is an accomplished actor and that his wife is straight banging and that he rocked in "The Last King of Scotland"...That is a devastating comment!!!!

Better than sex????

So I had a ridiculous experience the other night. Instead of going for a run with a friend, we went to her yoga class instead. Something you should know about me, I'm not nearly as flexible as I used to be (ask the average runner to bend over and touch there toes...I can, but only because I'm vertically challenged). So the thought of yoga typically makes me cringe. But I figured, why not. So what typically happens when I go is that the teacher makes it her mission to bend me into whatever position everyone else is doing because I look flexible. This typically results in me feeling like hell the next day and vowing never to go back. Wednesday seemed like it was going to go the same way. I twisted and turned and cracked and struggled my way into positions that only porn stars should be in (lo siento God, es verdad). So after the sweat filled and pain induced 90 minutes, something strange happened. Instead of feeling shitty. I felt great. But not just normal good. Or relaxed good. No, no. I felt ORGASMIC good. You know the feeling (and if you don't, then, um, maybe you should reconsider your partner...). That moment of clarity. The bright light. That last gasp. The tingle. Well that's what I felt, and am STILL feeling this morning, 2 days later. I don't know what it was that did it. It wasn't the most visually stunning class. Everyone was nice, but nice points don't count. So I have no clue what caused it, but I have been on Cloud 9 ever since. So that made me think, should I give up sex? if there is something out there that can make me feel even better than sex itself, can i replace it? No more dating or relationships or the awkward moments? It would be the perfect tonic, right??? Yeah, but then I thought about Applebottom Jeans, and boots with the fur, etc... And there are some things that yoga clearly cannot replace!!! And being the greedy, bougie bastard that I am, I'll keep going for both. Hey, my soul was cleansed for a day. That's good enough for now.

What's in a name?

Ok, so it's finally time to address the confusion amongst some of y'all...what exactly is up with the name switch. Ok, so everyone from DC and most of my friends from back home in Baltimore know me as Zai. I'd been Zai for about 24 years. My parents had to settle on not only my first name (Zaire), my middle name (E...yeah, right, I'll never tell), my last name (they couldn't decide on one, so I have both, thus DuRant-Young), but my nickname as well (Zai). Growing up, I just stuck with it because:

1. No one seemed to be able to spell Zaire until it went back to being called the Congo
2. No one could read it off of a sheet of paper (I got called Isiah, Zachary, Zacheus, Zane, Shane, and countless other names)
3. No one could pronounce it...it's pronounced "Zeye-ear"...not "Z-air"...not "Zeye-ree"...never "Z-ear"
4. And I got tired of being asked if that's where I was from...really, that may be the most 'tarded question I've ever heard, and I STILL get asked it today
   

So for a long time, I resented my name. It was hard for people to remember, hard for them to spell and it got mocked as endlessly. As I got older though, right when I was getting ready to graduate from grad school, i decided that I wanted to go by it full time. I had come to start liking my name and appreciate it more an more. I didn't feel like I was "Zai" anymore, but that I was "Zaire". So my plan was to start going by Zaire when I started my first job. Well, my boss got an email from me one day when I was still interning there in grad school that I signed "Zai" out of habit, and thus, I lived with it for three more years. I tried getting "Zaire" to catch on, but friend's were so used to calling me Zai, that it didn't happen. They introduced me as Zai to thers, and by the time I tried to change it, it was too late.

"Zai" started to get really old as I entered my mid-twenties. Going out and saying your name was Zai often had them calling me "Zoe", "Shy", and the number one pick "Zach". So not only was my first name being butchered, but now my nickname. So I made a decision. I decided that when I moved to Philly, that "Zai" wasn't coming along. "Zai" stopped existing when I left DC. I came to love my full name. To appreciate it in a way I couldn't when I was younger. And moving to a new city where I only knew a couple of people, I decided that this would be the perfect place to do it. Starting fresh, I finally became Zaire. "Zai" ceased to exist on July 29, 2007.

Now, for everyone who has known me as Zai, it's all good. That's how we met. That's how we've gotten to know each other. So that's what I expect you to call me. It just makes sense. But if it takes me a little bit longer to respond. Or you hear me introduce myself as Zaire, don't roll your eyes, or giggle at it or discount it. It's who I am. It took me 28 years to get there. But I finally did. It's not just a name. It's who I am. And I'm glad to finally be here.

More Etiquette

A recently returning from the District of Columbia, I felt that it was important to share another rule of etiquette with you. Zaire's Rule of Etiquette #18: "Handling of the goods (i.e. the junk, the stuff, the naked chocolate, etc...) by a stranger is a a very complicated matter. Yes, everyone likes the goods to be handled from time to time, some more frequently than others. But when you are a stranger meeting someone for the first time and you decide to liberate your little hand and handle the goods not once, but twice, then we may have beef. No matter how attractive AND pocketsized you may be, you must be very careful when deciding to check out the merchandise, especially if in public. It is also a good idea to make sure that said person who is handled is at least a little intoxicated so that they don't feel so violated by the handler. So at least offer them another drink or shot before checking out the merchandise. "

Etiquette

These my friends are Nutrigrain bars. I'm sure we've all had one at come point. Possibly for a snack, a way to hold ourselves over until lunch or maybe something to munch on while on the train. But most likely we've had one in the morning as a pick me up, a way to start the day. Let's go over a little Mr. DuRant-Young etiquette here.

Etiquette rule #32: "Upon showing a guest the door in the morning after a lovely evening of Scrabble, the Wii, or even slagging , it is expected that you offer said guest a snack. Something portable, non-messy, and full of vitamins and/or nutrients as a way to start the day. A granola bar is good, a bagel is nice, but a Nutrigrain bar is even better. If in a rush, and said guest is perhaps staying behind to get a little more sleep, then it is also expected that you give a hug, a brief smooch, or a high five upon exiting, or a mixture of all three. But never dap, and never chuck the deuce. That is just rude."

They say bad things happen in threes, so this better be it damnit!!! So far this month I have: 1) hurt the soft tissue in my foot, 2) gotten 8 stitches to the face, and 3) got the flu and a URI the day after Austin (i.e., the day I had to fly home) and spent all week in bed and spent some time getting to know an IV for dehydration!!! So now, I better be good for the rest of the year, this shit is no joke! On a brighter note, I ran 3:35.03 which is 34 minutes better than my previous fastest time, and the locals loved my shorts...favorite quote about them while running, "I'd like to see that pot of gold"...You're easily amused 23 miles into a race...

Austin

And on the 3rd day, he shall return...ok, that sounds a lil bit to biblical, and I needs God on my side this weekend!!! Off to Austin for the Austin Marathon on Sunday (I should look something like this when crossing the line, I may wear the same damn outfit actually...lol) ...Wish me luck and send me some love....and no John, if I die you CANNOT have my apartment!!!


In case you're bored, you can track me using this and see if I'm walking yet...lol: www.mychiptime.com My bib number is 2102 or you can try here

In case y'all are really bored, this is what I'll be looking at for no more than 3 hours, 39 minutes...

Miles 1-13.1
Miles 13.1-Finish


Aight, I'm out...wish me luck

Whole Foods

Ok, so one major problem with making people take paper bags when they don't bring their own....can you guess? I'll give you a hint...it's called fucking water!!!! Like when it snows/hails/freezing rains all day and they give you crappy paper bags to carry and the cashier insists they're strong and they break two blocks from the store!!! And one more riddle...How does one get 5 packs of cajun chicken, a pound of broccoli, bananas, apples, bread, yogurt, granola, and other bougie accoutrements home 15 blocks in said weather????? You stuff it in your pockets, work bag, etc and try not to slip on the ice and fall on you bum thus crushing your bananas...Besides that, the paper bags are awesome

To let go

So I realized something really obvious, but important recently....sometimes the only way that you can really be happy in life is to let go....you hold onto false hope....you obsess, whether consciously or subconsciously and you drive yourself crazy in the process without even knowing it....but then there's something, that one thing that makes you realize that it's time....that life has to move on....that it's difficult and that it means you have to be honest with yourself and face facts and the reality of life....only then can you really find yourself, your life and fulfill your purpose...and sometimes you get a little help from your friends to do that...

"Life is what happens when you're busy making plans"- John Lennon

Bossip

My obsession with Bossip must stop!!!! I'm checking it all the time when I'm home and when I get a chance to at work. It's crazy....Why do I care about Kim Kard"ass"ian dating Reggie Bush? Or who the next contestants on "Flavor of Love" are or why that chick (not Beyonce) from Destiny's Child got implants? Someone help me. Stop me, or I'll end up on Lossip too!!!